The number of divorces involving infidelity has surged in the last decade.
“You have people every day, whether it’s spouses, partners, hookups, anything, they’re going out and they’re just searching for sex,” Freeman tells Bustle. “They’re searching for casual sex and, a lot of the time, they’re not open to very much relationship.”
Sometimes sex is just a way for people to end a relationship when they don’t want to leave. Sometimes people feel disinterested in a relationship, but, because of an existing connection with someone else, have sex with them anyway. But those aren’t the relationships that are cause for divorce.
The most common type of divorce these days are interpersonal divorces. These marriages are often rooted in infidelity, and in order to save the marriage, people will often have sex with others in order to stay in the relationship. Usually, the other spouse knows about the affair, and has chosen to stay.
Instagram is the gateway to casual sex for many young people.
Sexuality has been traditionally associated with romantic love, says Freeman. But in the past decade, the idea of casual sex, which was never really accepted before, has become really accepted in society. “The point of casual sex is if there is no commitment in this relationship, you get to hook up with someone you like,” he says. “You don’t have to worry about someone else getting hurt or you having an STD.”
The reason casual sex has become so normalized is because it has been mainstreamed. Chat rooms and websites like Instagram became popular in the 1990s because that’s when they started being used for dating. As a result of Instagram and other social media being mainstream, it allowed people to discover sex online. Users of apps like Tinder know that women are more likely to respond to photos of themselves or use photos they’ve already taken of themselves, rather than photos of somebody else. There’s a higher chance that they’ll swipe right if they like the photo.
This isn’t to say that hookup culture is the problem — it’s not. Hookup culture is not a term which has been created to suggest that casual sex is a bad thing. In fact, people aren’t really having casual sex anymore. They’re having sex with other people because they want it — and dating apps are helping.
“These apps [have] changed the way we think about sex in America,” says Katherine Spillar, associate director at Hollaback!, a national organization devoted to
One of the more common arguments against casual sex is that it will cause you to have an “empty” sexual experience. You could have a perfectly sexual, satisfying relationship, and still have sex with someone who is not your partner. Even if both people are falling into this experience, one might wonder if it’s something they want to be getting into on a regular basis. Unfortunately, it’s very likely that the casual sex will be less fulfilling in this scenario. This is likely due to the fact that the bond you’ve formed in your relationship with your partner is stronger and more rewarding when it forms over an intense, sexual experience. This means that even if the sex isn’t at the level it would’ve been had it been with the same partner, it still probably can be very satisfying and fulfilling. But if you are in a relationship, or, more accurately, if you are doing casual sex for the purpose of having casual sex with someone who is not your partner, you likely aren’t going to get your emotionally driven need satisfied. You might find yourself sexually fulfilled for a while, but you’ll be missing out on something big in your life. Even if the emotional aspect of casual sex is unavoidable, the fact that it is done outside of the emotional bond you’ve forged with your partner means that it may not have quite the same significance. In his book, The Casual Vacancy, author J.K. Rowling wrote about the characters of Harry Potter, and specifically that in the trio of characters that had the most vivid sex lives, the older women who were married to the older men weren’t thrilled with the circumstance. They weren’t even thrilled by the presence of their husbands when they got up to pleasure — and neither was the husband the spouse wasn’t prepared to roll around with. This is a very basic example, but it’s one that many of us can relate to with our existing relationships. If you are hooking up with someone you don’t know, then that heightened level of emotional investment that had, at some point, driven you to demand to have sex with someone who was your lover or significant other, will be absent. You may find yourself thinking to yourself: “Wow! Getting down and dirty with some random person is really great!” But ultimately you won’t be very satisfied by that alone. It can be easy to hook up with someone with whom you’ve only just met when the only goal is to get your rocks off. Even if that is the only goal, if you’re looking for more than that you may